Dragonforce | ‘Ultra Beatdown’
You should have seen the front page splash on Kerrang! last week. “Dragonforce” it thundered, like it knew what it was talking about: “How Rock’s Biggest Misfits Conquered The Planet.” To which of course you can only cry into your hands, but we’ll not dwell on marketing arrangements. Rock’s Biggest Misfits? Since when? I mean seriously: fuck the fuck OFF. This is the band that makes Rhapsody sound like Skrewdriver.
There was perhaps a time that the serious heavy metal fan could imagine enjoying Dragonforce for the long term. Demoniac, the band they evolved out of, were actually pretty good circa about ‘96. They also posed with nudie girlies, looking pretty grim about it too. Then after a while, when people realised Hammerfall were indeed okay so long as you didnt tell anyone, Dragonforce was born, and won fans on that basis. So here we are a handful of albums later, and it’s a sorry picture.
While ‘Ultra Beatdown’ is still recognisably metal, it’s clear they’ve embarked on the music to entertainment transition that’s ruined so many before them. Cradle Of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, In Flames, the list goes on and on. They’re all still making metal, but it’s as plain as the strained looks on their faces that the reasons have changed. Dragonforce now join them, with an inevitability that would be crushing if anyone actually gave a shit.
The thing that’s really boggling about this is its overbearing and very deliberate sweetness. While the basis of the whole thing is of course fast, tight guitar and pretty sharpish drums (credit at least where it’s due), it seems that the band have literally bent over backwards to make it all sound as camp as possible. It’s like listening to some ridiculous video game for hyperactive four year olds.
It could all be pastiche. We could be the silly ones here. Perhaps indeed these teethgrindingly peurile lyrics really do mean something, and the band are indeed exhorting us to let oceans collide inside and stand as one together for ever more, and other useful suggestions. But let’s face it, the simple reality is that they were knocked out in order to put any old cack on top of the music. Is this worse than equally dense goregrind lyrics? Actually no. It’s just that where that’s endearingly stupid, this is outright craven.
There’s not a lot else more to say. If you like cool soloing, this isn’t even the place - much like each and every song on this album, they’re all largely identical. You can listen to it and it let it pass by, and the up tempo vibe of it all is certainly engaging. But what is it? Do Dragonforce even know, or care? Metal is about risk and emotion. This is a mere confection, and it’ll be gone before you can say Power Rangers. Cause I swear that’s the audience it sounds like they wrote it for. Risible.
2.1 / 5 Ciaran Tracey ::: 25/09/08