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Stormwarrior | ‘Heathen Warrior’

Stormwarrior love to overuse olde worlde English, which they utilise in very efficient Germanic fashion, by simply adding an E toe thee ende ofe everye worde. Howe quaintlye ye usede to spake!

Alright, enoughe of that. Harrumph. Serious review tyme.

Bright was the day, strong was the wind and high was my heart as I battled my way through legions of LPs to retrieve the latest runic treasure in the Stormwarriorn saga from the hellish clutches of the Vinyl Shelves.

Herewith, Stormwarrior are verily the modern day standard bearers of the heavy power metal chronicles, and their quests are normally a most gloriously glory filled success, bearing bountiful bounty. Alack, this latest one should perchance be bade to the stocks for harrowing by local peasants.

For when they returned to shore from previous high adventure “Heading Northe”, kings and queens everywhere rejoiced, squires tugged their forelocks in joy and all spaked highly of their prowess, due to said epic being an absolute beast, each song slaying many men, and Lars’s voice of triumph being never better; belting out every lyric at the top of his lungs as he flailed swoopstake in the berserker rage of a warp spasm.

This latest offering to the villagers has managed to confound both learned men and unwashed heathens, of whom they decry should be warriors, but ruth, in an uninspired fashion. Whereas tales of glory should resound puissant thro every heart, this particular heart remains unmoved and untouched by such meager exaltations.

Under darkened skies the band of wandering minstrels have taken a baleful step backwards with new album “Heathen Warrior.” For though Lar may sing, he no longer belts it out with such mountainous aplomb as before, and the hint of a lack of passion is evident to long term subscribers to their scrolls.

Damning is the sheer lack of choruses! Cursed is the absence of fun singalongs! Wretched be the B-side standard of the songs! Like their ancestral forefathers Running Wild, Stormwarrior delight in the rousing singalong chorus, and songs without such pale in comparison in the light of the long hall’s fire. Forsooth, there are choruses somewhither, but after several listens, a glance over the tracklisting reveals that precious few of them are sticking in the head, barring ‘Fyre & Ice’ and ‘The Returne’.

Marry, and the sages are pondering this mystery, the only song that really shows off Lars’s vocal abilities is a duet he does with basswielder Yenz on ‘Fyre & Ice’, which iwis features an acceptably fistbanging singlalong chorus. It seems when he has a point of pride to prove he shall really go for it, and it results in a great song.

Album highlight ‘The Returne’ stirs this weary heart to greater deeds in recalling past triumphs of the band, and thus it bodes remarkably well for both this album’s final score and great expectation of their next offering. Mayhap it will lead them to greater victories than this pyrrhic affair and herewith spur them to invade many foreign lands, invade many buxom wenches, and assure themselves a permanent invasion in the hallowed vinyl storage cave.

3.6 / 5 – Dónal McBrien :::11/01/12

  1. haha class review, put a smile on my face.

  2. verily…

  3. Hahaha triumphant review!! this tome must have taken an age and i’m sure many re-scribes!! Forsooth!!

  4. Hahaha! No interest in the band whatsoever but really glad I read that!

  5. Whatever about the album, this was a great read! A fair bit of work went into it, obviously. Nicely done Dónal!

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